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last updated October 1st 2007
Der filk? Was ist das?
For the uninitiated, a Filk song can come in one of two forms. Most are deliberate parody songs, based on well known songs but with lyrics bent to the occasion (it is reputedly here that filks got their name - a shortening of "filched folk" songs). A smaller number are original songs designed for a particular purpose (usually connected with a fan group and usually but not always humorous). The term filk has been used by groups outside science fiction fandom, but it is there that you will hear it the most. Although it is rare to have done so, some people have raised the filk to the point where it is known outside any fannish community, i.e., by the general public. The best known of these people are probably "Weird" Al Yankovich in the U.S. and the Barron Knights in Britain.
Anyway, from time to time I have written filks, often but not always for the science fiction fan community. Below is a selection of my best (worst?) filks.
I am just a trekkie and my story's seldom
told,
I have watched through all the reruns,
and hung on every word from Spock and Doc McCoy
I missed the films, still a fan sees what
he wants to see, with me that's just TV
When I started watching Chekov I was no
more than a boy
And I drooled at the transporters and
echoed Doc McCoy with his "He's dead Jim"
I'd watch the screen, seeking out new
civ'lisations, and zapping Klingon fiends
Going places than no man has ever been
(At) Warp factor nine, nininininininine, factor nine, nininininininine warp factor nine
Fighting for the Federation against a stellar
clam that digests colonies
Of humans in another distant galaxy
I do declare, there were times when I
thought that the scriptwriters were going spare
Now I'm packing up my tribble, and soon
I will be gone to the con
With the Who fans and the skiffys and
the neofen
Oh... and Len Nimoy!
In the clearing stands a trekker, and a
filker by his trade,
And he carries the reminders of episodes
where Jim Kirk
met with Greek Gods, and I cry out, in
my anger and my shame,
That for all us loyal trekkies only reruns
still remain, for us trekkies only reruns still remain
(at) Warp factor nine, nininininininine, factor nine, nininininininine, nininininininine, nininininininine etc.
Yesterday, was a lot like any other day
Not a special day in any way, an uneventful
yesterday
Half past three was exactly where it's
meant to be,
Thirty minutes past the hour of three,
yes time was passing normally
Not a minute shorter or longer than today
I found nothing wrong with the length
of yesterday
Yesterday, four and twenty hours like any
day
Still, I kind of liked it anyway, it made
a change from Saturday,
Twenty-six hour Saturday...
Come gather round people go out on the
street, you could go by car or you could use your feet
And you'll be surprised at the people
you meet - the traffic flow is so engagin'
But you'll never find parking this close
to the town, no the lights they are a-changing
Come Nissans and Chevrolets all on the
road, Suzukis or Yamahas if that's your mode
Kenworths or big Macks if you've got a
load, or Quattros if rallies you're stagin'
But you'll still have to wait for the
lights to turn green, yes the lights they are a-changing
The lights have gone green and a Skoda's
whizzed past, your car it has stalled - your curse has been cast
The bus that's behind you will soon give
a blast on its horn, 'cause its driver's derangin'
And you're stuck in reverse as the amber
light shows, yes the lights they are a-changing
Well they lived in the Americas so long
ago with their armoured backs and their tails just so
A long long tongue for scooping up the
ants and I'll sing all about them, given half a chance
Armadillos armadillos, armadillos, armadillos
armadillos, armadillos
armadillos armadillos, arm arm armadillos
(c'mon and rock me armadillos)
Dasypodidae is their Latin name,
but if you call them Steve they'll behave just the same
They've a conical face with a long long
snout - makes you wanna sing, makes you wanna shout
Armadillos armadillos, armadillos, armadillos
armadillos, armadillos
armadillos armadillos, arm arm armadillos
(c'mon and rock me armadillos)
Das froliche Critter ist in Texas funden,
unt er machen Whoopie mit der gay abunden
Zu vorsee den Armadillen gehen Arm in
Arm, nicht fahren, fahren, fahren aus den Autobahn!
Armadillos armadillos, armadillos, armadillos
armadillos, armadillos
armadillos armadillos, arm arm armadillos
(c'mon and rock me armadillos)
early 16th century, January 27, Spanish
conquistadors see their first armadillos
1825, George Leopold Cuvier assigns
armadillos and sloths to the order Edentata
later that same year armadillos are
ascribed the Latin name Dasypodidae
1863, Abraham Lincoln presents his
pet armadillo to the troops before Gettysburg
1888, Dr Eugen Frick invents the contact
lens
1927, an armadillo is elected president
of Albania
1995, Austrian rock singer Falco records
a song about Mozart
2001, some idiot filker in New Zealand
gets a stupid idea!
Armadillos armadillos, armadillos, armadillos
armadillos, armadillos
armadillos armadillos, arm arm armadillos
(c'mon and rock me armadillos)
A man from the north, a man wearing red,
with a strange brown hat upon his head
You can see him in the street, greeting
strangers that he meets, with a smile on his face
A man from the States, a man of the law,
he looks like he has seen it all before
They'll help each other on their way,
through their Chicago working day.
Things are OK with me these days, moved
south, into the city
Got a new life, got some new friends and
the wolf is fine
Lost my dad a while ago, But he
comes back, I did not know
He could ever talk to me after he had
died.
You remember those days hanging out at
the library? Seal-skin jackets, fur-lined boots and skis?
Pick up my guitar, sing a song about riding
the breeze
Cold milk, northern lights, those long
Inuvik winter nights
Victoria & Bennie had met in the arctic
about a dozen or so years before
A big robbery was the reason that she
was on the run from the law
The temperature dropped like a stone,
they knew that they'd freeze if they stayed on their own
And they huddled for warmth so that they
had a chance to survive
Oh, but being together kindled a spark
deep inside
Whoaoh, whoaoh whoaohohohohoh
Victoria and Bennie met once again in the
summer days of '95,
One little glance was enough to announce
that their love was alive
He felt a strange kind of euphoria, stopped
fighting crime just to be with Victoria
everyone knew he had nothing but her on
his mind
Oh, maybe the mountie was waving crime-fighting
goodbye
Whoaoh, whoaoh whoaohohohohoh
Well she trashed his apartment and she
shot his wolf, but Ben still thought that she was the one
When he caught her she, said that Jolly
was free, and she had to stay on the run
But then at the zoo, she shot Jolly too,
and she did it with Ben Fraser's gun
Whoaohoh, whoaohoh
When the bureau men said that Victoria
was dead, then Ben found it hard to explain,
Then she framed Vecchio with a key in
the snow and a bundle of money to claim,
And because he was shot we can't say whether
or not Ben would really have got on that train,
Whoaohoh, whoaohoh
Vicky and Bennie had had it already by
the summer of '95
And I didn't know by the end of the show
If he'd still be alive
Everyone thought he was crazy, Ray could
see she was a dangerous lady
But we always hoped that he'd still find
some way to survive
And that's all I know about Vicky &
Bennie
I can't tell you more cause I told you
already
But here we are standing waving Victoria
goodbye
Whoaoh, whoaoh whoaohohohohoh
A man wearing red, in the USA, fighting
windy city crime each day
Due south from Yukon's arctic snow to
our favourite TV show...
On a trip to destruction, travelling through
time and space
I didn't know quite who I was, I had a
brand new face
Up ahead in the distance, the zero room
came in sight
My head grew heavy and my sight grew dim,
I had to stop for the night
Nyssa stood in the doorway, I heard the
cloister bell
She said "we'll take you to a quiet place
where we hope that you'll get well"
Then she made me a cabinet - I dozed off
right away
When I woke up I was in this town, I thought
I heard someone say
Welcome to the Hotel Castrovalva - such
a lovely place out of time and space
Plenty of room at the Hotel Castrovalva,
but this town's design could confuse Einstein...
The portreeve's old and he's twisted, he's
got this cloth on the wall
That can tell him anything he wants, yes
he could know it all
Those old books in the library, they don't
tell me a lot
While I try to remember someone that I
forgot
"Where's Adric?" I asked them - they were
reluctant to tell
They didn't want me worrying, they wanted
me to get well
"In the Master's tardis, Adric's in quite
a bind -
And he's created this whole damn town,
yes, it's all in his mind!"
Welcome to the Hotel Castrovalva - such
a lovely place out of time and space
Plenty of room at the Hotel Castrovalva,
but its history is a fantasy...
Mirrors blocking the windows, make this
place less unreal
I've begun to realise how Patrick McGoohan
feels
So the portreeve's the Master - it was
one of his traps!
But with the tapestry in shreds this whole
damn town will collapse!
Last thing I remember I was running from
the square
I had to find some way to head that didn't
lead back there
This town's still regressing, It's growing
far too small
If it folds up on itself much more
It won't be there at all!
Welcome to the Hotel Castrovalva - such
a lovely place out of time and space
Plenty of room at the Hotel Castrovalva,
but how would you react, in a tesseract?
In 1997, someone came up with the incredibly stupid idea that to increase the size of New Zealand's parliament buildings, the main wing could be extended. In order to do that, the most recognisable part of the buildings, known in New Zealand as "The Beehive", would need to be picked up and shifted lock, stock, and barrel around to the back of the buildings. The idea would have cost a fortune and was quite happily shelved. "Colin", (my talkback radio alter-ego), achieved a small amount of fame when he recorded this filk on the subject during the height of the debate.
'Twas in the year of '97 as near as I can
guess
The increased size of parliament had got
us in a mess
The number of MPs had gone up by about
a score
And there was not enough room in the beehive
any more
Consultants pondered then came up with
an idea or two
"We'll house them in a frigate, or we'll
put them in the zoo"
Then one small voice said "Maybe if we
built a teflon track,
We could shift the Beehive, and put it
round the back!"
'Twas in the year of ninety eight as near
as I can say
Constructioneers and engineers were working
night and day
"We'll start the move by Christmas, and
by December's end,
You'll see New Zealand's parliament go
slowly round the bend!
We're going to shift the Beehive and everyone
inside
We'll get this country's leaders and we'll
take them for a ride
A southerly's predicted, so maybe we'll
use sails
We'll have the Beehive doing 90 on its
teflon rails!"
'Twas in the year of ninety nine 'The Big
One' finally hit
The alpine fault it lurched and bucked
like it had had a fit
Bowen House was trembling, and the guiding
ropes went slack
And with a mighty groan the Beehive toppled
off the track
We're going to shift the Beehive and everyone
inside
We'll get this country's people and we'll
take them for a ride
But after one large earthquake, oh what
a dreadful sight
Our parliament was leaning even further
to the right!
And now it's 2020, and the people flock
to see
Basil Spence's building in its famous
majesty
Tourists come from miles around with cameras
and with guides
For The Leaning Tower of Wellington it
is the nation's pride
Yes, tourists come from everywhere with
cameras and with guides
For The Leaning Tower of Wellington it
is the nation's pride!
Humans finds a big rock they says, why
is regularly shaped and
why is it big and black and what's it
doing on the moon?
I need keep it a secret, don't want people
to know yet
Don't want to start a panic, by letting
the world know too soon,
Maybe, soon maybe, off in the moonlight
Far away, out to Jupiter it called
Dr Floyd, brief the astronauts, gotta
get them away from here
You know it's time to start knocking on
that alien door
And if you'll be my astronaut, I can be
your silicon pal,
I can call you Dave, and Dave, when you
call me you can call me HAL...
A ship flies into space, It's got all the
world's attention
But I've got no intention, of letting
the humans go wrong
They long for their homes and families,
They wonder if they'll die here, I'll
answer that for them
This job'd be easier with them gone, gone
Frozen, lost in space or in some roly-poly
little bat-faced pod
All along, along there were
Incidents and accidents, there were hints
and allegations...
So if you'll be my astronaut, I can be
your plastic pal,
I could sing you Daisy, and Davie, when
you call me you can call me HAL...
A man flies into space, it's the space
round a strange world
Maybe it's the new world, maybe it's our
next time around
He doesn't understand it, he doesn't know
what's happening
He is an Earth man, he is surrounded by
the stars and sound
Psychedelic images, unearthly landscapes
He looks around, around, he sees himself
in the architecture
Spinning in infinity, he says Amen! Hallelujah!
But if you'll be my astronaut, I can be
your silicon pal,
I could sing you Daisy, and Davie, when
you call me you can call me HAL...